


Doctor Who Popcorn Fics!

by kayliemalinza



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Crossdressing, Double Drabble, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor, Light Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-23
Updated: 2008-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-28 03:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/303220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles and double-drabbles written for friends over dinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh, Is It Now?

"Absolutely not!" bellowed the Doctor, pacing the TARDIS like an angry tiger or a restless chipmunk. "Impossible!"

Sarah Jane shook her head sympathetically. "Harry seemed quite sure of his diagnosis, Doctor."

"Then Harry is an idiot!"

Sarah Jane bit her lip to keep from laughing. "You must admit," she said carefully, "the evidence is overwhelming."

" _Evidence_!" cried the Doctor, his eyes goggling wildly. "Bah! It is simply inconceivable, Sarah Jane, inconceivable, I tell you, that I, a _Time Lord_ , have been stricken with a malady so ridiculous as the common cold!" he declared, then sneezed.

Sarah handed him a tissue.


	2. Sometimes the TARDIS Wardrobe is a Source of Wonder. Sometimes Not.

"It's an economy sized kilt," the Doctor said. "For war rationing."

"What's war rationing?" Jamie asked.

"And it's waterproof as well," Zoe pointed out.

The Doctor handed him the leather mini-skirt and added, "Mind the zipper."

 

Later:

"No, no, I'll not do it!" Jamie shouted, glaring at the monstrous pile of pale blue taffeta. "Give it to Zoe!"

"Absolutely not!" she shrieked.

"I'll wear it then," said the Doctor, scooping up the frothy ball gown.

"But, Doctor," Jamie said. "You need a wee waist!"

The Doctor turned to Jamie with a hard, offended stare. "Are you implying I'm not fit?"


	3. Nothing Teaches Quite So Well as Practical Demonstration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after _The Tomb of the Cybermen_ , wherein the Doctor tells Jamie, "Remind me to give you a lesson in tying knots sometime."

"Now, Victoria, the most important step is to tie the hands separately, and _then_ together."

"Oh, I see!" Victoria said, clapping her hands excitedly. "That looks very thorough."

"It is, quite," said the Doctor. "Stop squirming, Jamie."

"But— Doctor—ye were supposed to be giving _me_ the lesson!"

"Oh, but Jamie, I _am_." The Doctor smiled and turned back to Victoria. "And now, dear lady, I shall instruct you in tying the legs. Would you like to try it yourself?"

"Oh, please," said Victoria, reaching for the rope.

Jamie sighed and pressed his cheek against the decking of the TARDIS.


	4. Sometimes Being Relative Wears Thin

Jamie's expression was half conniving, half a pout.

"Doctor," he said, hands on hips. "Are you not a Time Lord, a great being who ken near all things?"

"Oh, Jamie, how nice of you," the Doctor beamed. "I am very well learned, yes."

Jamie gave a thin sort of smile and continued. "And is Zoe not a human adding machine, who can work long figures in her head?"

"Zoe is a human computer, yes. Brilliant girl," said the Doctor.

Jamie set his jaw. "Then don't you think," he said exasperatedly, "it's a wee unfair to keep slagging off on me for not being so clever?"

"Why Jamie, I never— oh." The Doctor brushed his thumbnail across his lower lip. "I see what you mean. I'm very sorry, Jamie. I'll try to be better from now on." He put his hand on Jamie's shoulder and squeezed it quite sincerely. "You are very useful to me, you know."

Jamie flashed a smile that made it impossible to call him anything but 'lad' and ducked his head. "All right then," he mumbled.

The Doctor suddenly remembered that the TARDIS' sanitary system was clogged, and wondered if he could trick Jamie into fixing it.


	5. Let's Just Say the Cybermen Devised a Clever Plan Involving Psychotropic Gas

"Look at me! Look at me, I'm _swishy_!"

"Och, I see that, Doctor. D'ye think ye can come down from that boulder now?"

"No!" shouted the Doctor. "I'm having fun!"

"Well that's great, but there's a legion of Cybermen coming this way!" Jamie pointed emphatically, his forearm gleaming with a modest sheen of sweat.

The Doctor squinted. "Oh, tosh," he said. "I'll deal with them later."

Jamie sighed and studied the approaching line of smiley-face helmets. "Will you not at least toss down that bag of gold dust?"

"Oh, all right, Jamie." The Doctor flung it down and continued twirling in his sparkly cape.

"Barmy old bugger," Jamie muttered, and went to save the planet.


End file.
